How to Say ‘No’ When Working From Home
Nobody likes feeling they have too much on their plate, or that they’re burning out in their career.
No one.
Yet that seems like the standard mode of operating this year. Eight months into a global work-from-home experiment, previous work and life boundaries have almost entirely dissolved. For all the benefits technology brings, the pressure to ‘always be-on’ has reached new [and dangerous] heights.
One study from the National Bureau of Economic Research found the average workday lengthened 48 minutes in the weeks following work-from-home mandates; virtual meetings increased 13 percent. The study collated data from over 21,000 companies worldwide and found this most prevalent in the US, where homeworkers logged on three hours more per day than before lockdowns, according to data from NordVPN.
55 percent of Americans claim to be more stressed in May than January. This is not a localized phenomenon. “A recent study by Cigna, found anxiety levels increased among workers in Singapore, Thailand and Hong Kong after governments closed parts of their economies and telecommuting swept the region.”
The United Nations reported massive spikes in mental health issues in Europe, Asia, and elsewhere globally. There are many reasons; financial insecurity, loneliness, uncertainty, and fear of the virus itself. Homeworking is not the sole cause of stress, though health professionals suspect it could be a major contributor.
Sadly, there’s not much you can do to curb the virus or bring back the old work ways. However, there are a few things to do to feel more in control of your day. It starts with exercising your power to say ‘No.’
Why Is Saying ‘No’ So Hard?
Some people just find it hard to say No. They don’t want to let others down, appear selfish, or burn bridges. Perhaps they’re just not clear on what matters most. Or simply scared.
Now that the contours of the workday have changed, we can identify a whole new set of reasons why so many of us find it so hard to say ‘no’ in the moment:
● We want to prove our worth, especially as the economy takes a hit and the prospect of job losses loom
● We feel invisible and disconnected from our usual networks. Shouldering more projects is a way to raise our profile, reminding people we’re still here
● With no commuting and fewer opportunities to go out, we feel like we have few excuses for being unavailable
● With the additional burdens of juggling work with childcare or eldercare, we don’t want to cause any conflict which might upset the balance we’ve created
● There’s a sense that ‘we’re all in this together’ and we thus have a duty to take on extra responsibilities to pull through the crisis
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, you may need to practice asserting yourself, which is essential for your career and your stress levels in these challenging times.
What Can You Do About It?
There are many techniques to get better at saying ‘no’, once you’ve arrived at the answer of ‘why is this so difficult for me?’ question.
Focus on your own career goals. You may have heard horror stories of rising unemployment, and probably recognize that you have less control now than at this time last year. That doesn’t mean saying ‘yes’ to everything from a position of fear. Keep focused on your own goals and ambitions and say ‘yes’ only to the projects which make you feel like you’re working toward something bigger. Everything else shapes around those priorities.
Don’t fill up commute time with work. If you had to leave your home at 5 AM for your commute, that doesn’t mean you start working from 5 AM now — you do not owe your employer that time. Take an honest appraisal of how much extra time you’re giving over to work. Consider using that time to do that which gives you positive energy, like exercising, meditating, or reading.
Check-in on your thoughts. We often tend to be overly focused on guilt as an emotion. Ask yourself how bad will the anxiety, guilt, or sense of letting others down be if you don’t do whatever’s being asked of you. Could you tolerate these feelings? Is saying ‘yes’ worth the headaches just to avoid the emotional fallout?
Get back up. With everyone working from home, there’s a risk we may all operate in silos without a clear sense of what our colleagues or bosses are doing. Someone may ask you to perform a task. but don’t know what’s already on your plate. The strategy here is to get a backup for your position. We usually feel better in saying ‘no’ when there’s support from a colleague.
When ‘No’ May Be The Wrong Word
‘No’ is absolute. When we make absolute statements, the recipient automatically bristles because it’s a rejection. So, an alternative to a firm ‘no’ may be to say that it is something you indeed want to do, but to immediately provide a solution so it looks like you have said yes.
So, for example, suppose your boss calls you at 6 PM and tells you to rewrite a report that evening. But you already have family plans, or just need a break.
Rather than “No, I can’t”, you might say “I’m fully booked this evening, but more than happy to rearrange my schedule tomorrow so I can work on it first thing.” You’ve asserted your boundaries, and the work will still get done — win-win. That is applicable in many circumstances.
I’ve written about the ‘Yes-No-Yes’ technique before, with some sample sentences you might try.
Above all, remember to go at your own pace. Don’t get trapped by the belief that you only have one opportunity to say ‘No.’ There will be many times to put these strategies into practice. Keep plugging away. It gets easier over time.
